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Hey, it’s Leah of Spoon Shares. I started a vlog series about feeding tubes about 2 years ago, and did about 4 videos over 6 months before I stopped because…I didn’t have the energy and I kept putting it off. So now it’s two years later, and I’ve somehow still gotten some really nice comments and subscribers, despite the fact that I haven’t posted in two years, so I’m going to make an effort to start these videos again. I no longer have a feeding tube, I had to switch to TPN, which is IV nutrition through a central line, but I will still talk about my experiences with the feeding tube as well as TPN. And I’ll talk about other chronic illness related stuff, either stuff I’ve learned living as a professional patient that I think may benefit someone to hear, or stuff to help you explain a difficult concept to friends or family members. I’m not going to try and do one a week like I tried last time, because I know better now. But I will do what I can. And that I think brings me to the topic of this video, which seems a good place to re-boot this vlog series: productivity.

Productivity with chronic illness is hard. No matter what level of functionality you have, you know it’s not as high as it would be if you weren’t sick. And that’s really frustrating. And because our society is so productivity based (think of how often we hear the phrase “productive member of society”) it can feel like you’re a useless drain on the resources of those around you.

So in order to cope with that feeling of doing less than you would like to do, whether it’s because you need more days off or because you can only work part time, or because, like me, you can’t work at all, you have to throw out that “productive member of society” narrative from your world completely. Just chuck it out the moon door along with Lysa Arran (spoilers). 

Instead, think about the people you value in your life. Your friends, your family, your significant other, your furry pets. Now, do you value them because of what they do and what they create, or because of who they are? Creating stuff is awesome, don’t get me wrong, and part of the reason I knit so much (I knit a lot guys) is to feel like I am adding things tangibly to my world. Also because it’s a great way to cope with symptoms while stuck in bed. But it doesn’t define your worth as a person.

So go easy on yourself, and remind yourself that you’re living in a body that makes even the most simple tasks feel Herculean. And when you’re beating yourself up for not being able to do something because of symptoms, remember this sentence a friend said to me when I had a migraine flare when trying to get ready for a friend’s wedding: “You will do what you can do, and whatever that looks like will be okay.”

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